Quandary

I’m taking a short break from my travel blogging because I’m in a quandary.

My current contract of employment for my job as a primary school teacher in an international school in China ends at the end of this academic year.  I now (as in, this week) have to decide whether I want to stay for another year or go elsewhere.

Now you may think that this is a straightforward decision, but you would be wrong.

I am currently waiting to hear back about another job I have applied for in another country, and I have told everyone that knows anything about it that if they offer me the job I’m going, but if I don’t get it I’m staying where I am for another year. This seems like a sensible decision, but actually it’s not making a decision at all; it’s leaving the decision about whether I should stay or leave to someone other than myself.

This is the first time I’ve had a job that I’ve considered leaving but am unsure if it’s the right thing to do.  Every other job I’ve had, I’ve known without a doubt it’s the right time to go and there’s an exciting new prospect to look forward to.  This time, I’m full of doubt.

Part of me wants to leave, wants to move to another country, go exploring, meet new people, experience new things, etc., etc., especially while I still have the chance/health/opportunity to do so.

The other part of me (which, if I’m being completely honest, seems to be getting bigger the longer time goes on) is happy here, has some great friends here, likes working where I’m working and is thinking it’s much too much hassle to move.

Back on the other hand again, if I do get offered the job, I feel like I can’t turn it down as firstly I’ll regret it if I did, and secondly I would never get the same opportunity again.

Basically, I’m completely torn and I don’t know what to do.  It’s beginning to drive me a bit doolally.

I know I haven’t been offered the job yet, so some people would say I should wait and see what happens with that before deciding anything, which is a valid point.  However, if I do get offered the job I will have a very very short time period in which to decide and accept or reject the offer.  Which is why I’d like to come to some kind of conclusion before that point in time.  Also, if I don’t get this job, should I apply for anything else or leave it until next year and then see?

This is not a small decision.  If I decide to stay, yes, everything will be pretty much the same as it has been (bar which year group I’m teaching in and a few other changes in my school).  If I decide to go it will mean not just changing jobs, but also moving to a new country and everything that entails.

In all honesty, moving to a new country is scary.  Yes, I’ve done it once, and it was exciting and amazing and the best decision I’ve ever made.  But would another decision like that be as good or better?  Or am I just setting myself up for failure?

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